Hi, Doctor Love...
I just want to know why guys are so into being with two girls (that I get) and seeing them go at it (that I don't get). My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years, and the subject of getting another girl to get it on with us keeps coming up (from him). I am happy with things just the way they are, and think that this is something that has no place in our relationship. Our sex life is pretty good, so I don't see why he needs this.
He keeps saying "just do it for my birthday", and "if we can do it once, I'll get over it and won't ask again".
I'm like, so ...we're supposed to go to some bar, pick up a strange girl and come back and have sex with her, and that will be good for us? I'm not even into girls. He says,"how do you know when you never tried? You might love it". Trust me, I KNOW I don't like girls! There's not even a question about that! Him saying that makes me think he doesn't care the least bit about my feelings on this. He just wants to do what he wants to do.
Another thing is, all the porn dvds he wants to watch with me are always girl on girl stuff. I'm sick of seeing it. It does nothing for me. It's like he's trying to convert me to the idea, and it's really just putting me off more and more.
I really love my boyfriend, but if push comes to shove, I can't see myself doing this. I have a feeling that if I don't, we're gonna break up. He keeps telling me that there are other girls out there that wouldn't make such a big deal out of if. Like a hint that he'll go elsewhere.
I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose my relationship, but I don't want to do a threesome either.
How can I get him off this obsession?
C., Miami
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Re: Guys and Threesomes...
Well, it sounds to me like you're seriously between a rock and a hard place! (uh...ignore the pun! lol) This is really a tough one, and there's no clear solution that's going to please all parties involved, IMO.
Now, as to why guys like 3somes....well, one of my male friends summed it up as "that means there'll be more '-----' for me." You fill in the blank. Another mentioned being the center of all that female attention, and also all the extra body parts he gets to play with. As for why they like seeing two girls "go at it", none I asked could give me a good explanation other than "it's so freakin' HOT!" or "seeing two girls do each other is just SICK!"-- as in the 'good' version of sick. Apparently, it's a scene that's sexy to the utmost for some dudes. So....there you go.
Now, as for you contemplating doing something you're not comfortable with....I wouldn't advise it.
You'll end up resenting it, and that's not going to do you or your relationship good in the long run.
Him starting to hint to you that it's quickly becoming an ultimatum for your relationship is not good either. He's showing that your feelings are really the least of his concerns. How much does he really love you? Is this just a slick way of him being able to have sex with another girl with your permission? What if you wanted a threesome with him and a guy? How would he deal with that? Maybe you should ask him, JUST to see what his reaction would be.That might give you some valuable insight into what his true level of commitment to you is.
As for getting him off wanting this....I don't see how you can. It's like having a craving for chocolate....or something else decadent. You won't be satisfied until you get it.
I'd say you should just confront him with how you feel, how uncomfortable you are with the idea and why. Let him know you don't plan to change (unless you think you can) and then just let the chips fall where they may. If he really needs this, perhaps he should go and get it. But you don't have to be along for the ride. And as they say, if you're meant to be together, you will be in the long run anyway.
Good luck to you.....keep me posted on how this turns out.
Any of you men want to chime in here? A man's perspective would definitely help!
Why Do Guys Always Want a Threesome? (with another girl)
